Something Clicked This Month — A 10 Year Anniversary Aha Moment!

It’s been 10 years!!! Wow! You know that moment when a decade hits you, and you take a day to let it soak in? I took the dogs on a hike and sat looking at the mountains and a shift happened.

Reflecting on the last 10 years, I got to appreciate the whole landscape of those I’ve coached.

10 years of coaching leaders and 20+ years studying the gap between who leaders think they are and who their teams experience, I've been given the gift of seeing the through line of what happens during coaching.

And what I landed on — what I now know is the thread running through everything I do — is this:

When you Tame the Ego. You Elevate the Leader.

Simple. But not easy. And absolutely everywhere in leadership.

The Pattern I Keep Seeing

Here's what I've observed in leader after leader, across industries, levels, and decades: the skills that get you promoted are rarely the same skills that keep you effective once you arrive.

Confidence becomes certainty. Drive becomes control. The ability to move fast becomes the inability to listen. And underneath all of it — quietly running the show — is an ego that grew with every altitude gain and went unchecked along the way.

I call this the 'No Ego at Altitude' problem. Because altitude — whether that's a new title, a bigger team, or a higher-stakes role — doesn't create the ego. It just amplifies what was already there. And if no one in your world is willing to tell you the truth about what they're seeing, that ego runs unchecked. Silently. Expensively.

The Question That Changes Everything

So how do the best leaders catch it? How do they see what altitude makes harder to see?

They find their Sherpas.

In mountain climbing, a Sherpa isn't just a guide — they're the person who’s acclimated to the terrain before you do, who has made this climb before, and who will tell you the truth when you're heading somewhere dangerous. Great leaders intentionally seek out their own Sherpas for the different mountains in their lives. People— peers, a coach, a trusted colleague, sometimes even a family member — who are willing to say what others won't.

Here's the part that separates great leaders from struggling ones: the great ones pull those people closer. The struggling ones, without realizing it, push them away. Because honest feedback at altitude feels like a threat instead of a gift when the ego is running the show.

This is a new talk I'm excited to deliver — and the idea I believe leaders need to hear more than almost anything else right now: Find your Sherpas. Identify the people in your world who tell you the truth. And instead of managing them, protecting yourself from them, or quietly distancing yourself — pull them in. Make them essential. Build your leadership around their honesty.

Where Does Emotional Intelligence Fit In?

Here's the connection I want you to sit with: you can't find your Sherpa if your emotional intelligence isn't developed enough to receive what they're offering.

EQ is what allows you to hear the hard truth without shutting down. It's what lets you stay curious instead of defensive. It's the difference between a leader who grows from feedback and one who quietly punishes the people brave enough to give it.

That's why the Leadership EQ Quiz I introduced earlier this year matters so much right now. Not as a score to brag about — but as a mirror. A starting point for understanding where your emotional intelligence is genuinely strong and where it might be leaving you more exposed than you realize.

Take the Leadership EQ Quiz

If you haven't taken it yet, this is your month. It takes about 10 minutes and the insights are the kind that stay with you. You'll walk away knowing something about yourself that most leaders never stop long enough to discover. Whether you score in the developing, moderate, or high level of EQ, knowing this about yourself helps you identify problems you didn’t know you had control over.

Take the Leadership EQ Quiz

An Invitation to Keep This Conversation Going

This month, I also took my own advice and did some of the inside work — clarifying my message, sharpening my brand, and committing to showing up more consistently where leaders are already spending their time. And collecting more Sherpas in my own life.

Which means you'll be seeing more of me on LinkedIn and Instagram. Not just polished content — but the real questions I get asked, the patterns I'm observing, and the kinds of conversations I wish more leaders were having out loud.

If you're not already following, I'd love to have you join the conversation. Search Carole Stizza on LinkedIn and Instagram and hit follow. Every week, I'll be sharing one question designed to make you think differently about the leader you're becoming — and the ego that's either helping or hindering that climb.

The Bottom Line

Great leaders don't outrun their ego. They outgrow it. They find the people willing to tell them the truth. They build their self-awareness with intention. And they stay humble enough — at every altitude — to keep learning.

That's the work. And it's the most important work any leader can do.

Tame the Ego. Elevate the Leader.

Frequently Asked Questions:

1. What does “Tame the Ego” mean in leadership?

Answer:

“Taming the ego” in leadership means becoming aware of how your need for control, validation, or certainty impacts your decisions and relationships. It is the practice of replacing defensiveness with curiosity so you can lead based on reality instead of perception.

2. Why does ego become a problem as leaders advance?

Answer:

As leaders gain authority, their environment filters feedback. Fewer people challenge them, which allows unchecked behaviors to grow. Ego is not created at higher levels. It is amplified by lack of honest input.

3. What is the “No Ego at Altitude” problem?

Answer:

The “No Ego at Altitude” problem describes how leadership elevation increases blind spots. As responsibility and visibility grow, leaders often lose access to honest feedback, making it harder to see how their behavior affects others.

4. What are “Sherpas” in a leadership context?

Answer:

Sherpas are trusted individuals who provide honest, direct feedback to leaders. They may be anyone willing to challenge assumptions and point out blind spots without filtering the truth - the key is that you trust them and you listen to them.

5. Why do some leaders reject honest feedback?

Answer:

Leaders reject feedback when ego interprets it as a threat instead of useful data. Without emotional intelligence, feedback feels like criticism, which triggers defensiveness rather than growth.

6. How do strong leaders use feedback differently?

Answer:

Strong leaders actively seek feedback and treat it as a strategic advantage. They create systems and relationships that surface truth regularly, allowing them to adjust behavior before problems escalate.

7. What role does emotional intelligence play in leadership growth?

Answer:

Emotional intelligence enables leaders to process feedback without reacting defensively. It allows them to stay objective, ask better questions, and use feedback to improve performance and relationships.

8. How can a leader identify their blind spots?

Answer:

Leaders identify blind spots by consistently engaging with people who will give honest feedback and by using structured tools like assessments or coaching frameworks that reveal gaps between intent and impact.

9. What happens when leaders lack self-awareness?

Answer:

Leaders without self-awareness often damage trust, reduce team performance, and create communication breakdowns. Their decisions become based on assumptions rather than accurate input from their environment.

10. What is the fastest way to improve as a leader?

Answer:

The fastest way to improve is to build a feedback loop with trusted advisors and actively act on what you learn. Consistent exposure to honest input accelerates growth more than experience alone.